The Monday Memo 256

I encounter people regularly who don't things that are a little different because they are concerned what other people will think.  They may be worried about what their mother, father or spouse will think, and that is certainly understandable.  The approval of the people closest to us is an important thing.  Often, however, it isn't even those closest to us who cause us not to step out and try something out of character, risky or seemingly foolish.

I have had a startling revelation in my own life the last few years.  I came to realize how often I hadn't done something because I was concerned with how I would be perceived by others.  And those others were people who didn't matter, sometimes even those who I didn't know.  For example, I wouldn't make certain requests in a restaurant because I didn't want to look foolish.  I wouldn't ask for directions because I didn't want the people in the service station to think I was stupid.  I wouldn't wear anything orange, my favorite color, because I was afraid that others would think that a strange thing for a grown man to wear.   I think you get the idea.

NORMALCY

Almost all people pursue behavior they and others consider "normal."  Some people would call it being balanced.  Yet normal or balanced people, and people pursuing this normalcy, seldom achieve greatness or even purposeful living.  They do all that others expect of them, all that society expects even, but they stop short of doing what is in their heart--sometimes for fear of what others will think.

I notice that an American rider won the Tour de France bike race today.  I read that his conservative Mennonite parents discouraged him from riding his bike.  That was his passion, however, and today that 30-year-old man won the world's greatest bike race, with an arthritic hip no less. I notice that no one was there to celebrate with him but his daughter.  I wonder if his family boycotted the race?

While many people pursue normalcy, no one can describe what this normalcy is when I ask them.  What's more, none of the people I ask about normalcy are normal, including you and me.  If we are going to be people of purpose, we must accept the fact that you and I aren't normal. 

YOU'RE QUIRKY!

Before you run off and say that I called you "weird," let me explain.  We all have things we love that others would never understand and would perhaps even consider a bit "quirky" (which is defined as a peculiar trait).  So what?  To be true to ourselves, you must pursue those quirks because those quirks will lead you to your passion and your passion is where your purpose lives. 

If you could play the piano all day, then play as often as possible.  If you love to hike in the woods, hike.  If you like the color purple, then purple your whole world.  Who cares?  If someone does care, it's really none of their business.  I have written 256 Monday Memos and given them away, free of charge. Some people would say that's not smart; others have told me it's not normal, that I'm just playing around. 

Why am I giving this advice?  Why do I think this is important?  Because you are a one-of-a-kind creation.  You need to stop trying to imitate what others do and be your original self.  Samuel Johnson once wrote, "No man ever yet became great by imitation."   I agree.  If you love chemistry, then be a chemist.  If you enjoy reading, then read, read, read.  And if you have children and they love something, let them do it as much as possible, as long as its not harmful to their health.

Perhaps this week you need to stop having normalcy as a goal and start having quirky as your goal.  As you do, you'll be happier and you'll have a better chance of being purposeful.  But if you continue to pursue normalcy, you will be after something that can never be achieved in your lifetime.  Have a great, quirky week!

If you would like to add your comments to this Memo, please go to the Monday Memo site to do so.

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1.  Here is my schedule for the next three months.   Let me know if you would like to meet for a purpose session when I am in your area.  Also let me know if you would like information on my public sessions next Friday and Saturday in Maywood.  They are open to the public.

July 27-30 -- Maywood, New Jersey

August 7-11 -- Seattle, Washington

August 24-28 -- Johannesburg, South Africa

August 28-September 3 -- Harare, Zimbabwe

September 4-13 -- Israel

September 13-25 -- Harare, Zimbabwe

September 26-28 -- The Netherlands

Also, I am still leading a cruise retracing the steps of the apostle Paul from October 26-November 3.  If you are interested in being part of that cruise, email me and let me know.

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Comments

[Timothy Carpenter]

Thanks again for the wonderful insight! I was just talking with one of my member about what is perceived as "normal". You memo was a timely confirmation. Are prayers are continously with you and yours...

[Judith]

hi, i've just read your memo this morning and agree with what you say about us thinking of other people approval. i was reading who moved my cheese last night which basically describes how some of us react to change. one of the characters in the book did not want to know that change had come and refused to move on; his friend was also scared of trying to go else where and try something new because of what he might come up against but finally he made up his mind to try it out.
we too should wake up and do that which we want to do and not let people or what ever adversity hinder us.

[Betty]

I truly appreciate the Monday Memo, even if I seldom write back. After reading this latest one, though, I had to. You see, I am just back from Taiwan and Malaysia, where I went for conferences on Music education, which is my career. The point I want to make is that my University could not give me any financial support, nor did it even assure me of any refunds for my expenses. It really was a tall order to fund that trip, and I took some risky decisions.

I am back, and what I learned and the people I met are worth the test of faith it took. Some thought it quirky, but I chose to take the positive words of a few very special people in my life. I believe the trips were a part of my life purpose, and I am convinced God was in it through and through, and that is what matters.

[Bill]

thank you Dr. Stanko for this message today

this, like most of the messages you send are right on point...

[MaryJane]

Dear John iam from Kenya and since the day i started reading monday memos i have always had my tummy turning. well the latest is not any different. I have always wanted to be like someone else but i am happy thet i can be quirky without feeling anything.I BLESS GOD BECAUSE OF YOU!

[Sheila]

Thanks for your Monday memo today.

Thank you for reminding me that we do not have to be ‘Normal” and should not be afraid to wear that bright orange shirt or blouse or dress !! Thank you for reminding me to stop having normalcy has my goal in life and be quirky and have a better chance being pursposeful

Thanks and God Bless

[The Mommy Blawger]

Thank you... this is one of your best Monday Memos.