The Monday Memo from John Stanko

Monday Memo 371: A Tribute to Mother Stanko

I wrote last week about a time to live and a time to die.  For Mother Stanko, yesterday was her time to die. At 3:40 PM, my mother went to be with the Lord and the most important part is that I was there to help her make her transition.  I watched her take her last breath, told her I loved her as she did and then it was over.  The nurse who came to confirm her death said that she had a look of peace and that many of her "patients" look twisted and tormented when they pass.  Not Mother Stanko.

NO REGRETS

In a blog post a few weeks ago, I said that I had no regrets where my mother was concerned.  Since my dad passed away 12 years ago, I called her almost every day I was in the country, visited her every Sunday, took her to see her family and on special trips and always included her in family celebrations.  My sister and I had a special 90th birthday party for her two years ago when family and friends got together to honor her life. When I returned from a trip overseas, I would first call my wife and then my mother and would say, "God bless America!"  She would always say, "Amen!" and then assure me that she had been praying for me while I was gone.

My mother was the most organized person I ever knew.  She would not only do spring cleaning in her house every year, she would start on the same day every year.  She never, ever forgot a birthday or special occasion and was always so early for appointments that I would always bring plenty of work with me while we waited for her appointment time to arrive.

My mother loved to eat out every now and then, but only in a restaurant that met her standards for cleanliness.  If the glass in the front door of the restaurant had fingerprints, they were disqualified from future consideration. My mother expected public places to be as immaculate as her house was and would not accept any excuse for sloppiness or lack of attention to detail.

GOD ORDERS OUR STEPS

God had to order a lot of steps for me to be present yesterday for her passing.  And that is perhaps the most important element in time management, something we have discussed the last few weeks.  I always count on God's help to see what I can't see and to order what I can't understand.  I try to exercise faith when I manage my time and I feel like yesterday I received a huge gift from the Lord by being present for my mother's passing.  I could not have organized that; only He could and He did.  If I shed any tears, they are tears of joy that I was in the right place at the right time to do the right thing.  When talking about time or event management, it doesn't get any better than that.

God helped me be there and I am learning to trust Him for time -- that if I can't do something, it's because He didn't want me to do this or that thing. I could have been in Africa this week, but all the doors closed for me to be there and I rested in that.  My mother could have died on someone else's "shift."  Instead, God worked it all out so she would go to be with Him on mine.  Thank You, Lord.

So farewell, Mother Stanko.  So much of what I write and speak about, you taught me.  You through me have blessed many people around the world.  I have often quoted your words of wisdom and will continue to reference your life as a guiding light for my decisions and work.  Until we meet again, I wish you joy in God's presence and I promise to carry on the family traditions and values that were so important to you, including always being on time.  Amen!

    Feel free to write a comment to this entry on the site where it is posted. 

Monday Memo 370: A Time to Live, A Time to Die

How did you do this past week with tracking where your time goes?  Mine went well because I didn’t have a lot of time to spare.  I was in Dallas and was busy from morning until night conducting a seminar.  Then I came home to Pittsburgh to speak at a local conference for two days and then spent the last 24 hours with my 92-year-old mother who is fading quickly with colon cancer.  I mentioned last week that we would spend a few weeks talking about time management, so let’s proceed with our plan and see what we can learn together.

A TIME TO DIE

I had the privilege of burying my father twelve years ago.  He actually died in my arms as I was helping him on his bed.  I prayed that I would and could do the same thing for my mother and now the moment is at hand.  So much of my travel didn’t work out this year and my trips to Africa came to a sudden halt.  Now I understand why.  God was answering my prayer and I was home for these last six months to see my mother in her last days. I am home to say goodbye to her. 

In times like this, it is simply a matter of following one’s priorities.  My mother won’t be here much longer, so I choose to spend as many minutes with her as I can.  I spend the night on her couch, waiting for her to ring her bell when she needs me.  I can’t do that every night, but I want to do it as often as possible until the end.  Everything else pales in importance right now and decisions of time and event management are much simpler.  I do what I can with my work, but my mother comes first.

A TIME TO LIVE

When you think about it, time management isn’t any different at any other time of life. When faced with tough event management decisions, you go with what is most important to you, things that are consistent with your values.  I have no regrets where my mother is concerned.  I called her almost every day that I was home and visited her at least every Sunday.  I took her on trips and sometimes took her shopping.  I used my time to do things with her because she was important to me and now I can look back and be glad. 

How about you?  Are you happy where you are investing your time? Are you using your time to do things that bring life and cause you to enjoy the opportunities that God has given you?  While I was sitting here with my mother today (she sleeps most of the time), I caught up on my next to the last study in my series from the gospel of Matthew.  When I finish Matthew next week, I will have completed verse-by-verse studies for twenty books of the New Testament.  I estimate I have spent about 1,000 hours on that Bible project in the last seven years, working on it about 20 minutes a day. 

So the choice is yours.  You can use the time you have to do important things or waste it doing trivial things – or nothing at all.  I had promised this week I would include a summary document with all the past Monday Memos that had time as a theme and it is attached below.  I’ll have more to say next week but for now, let me urge you to do something this week that will make a difference in your own life according to what matters most.  Have a great week!

Download memos_about_time.doc

Monday Memo 369: Timed Out

I took some time to review the results from the 500 or so people who have taken the Purpose Assessment on my new website.  The scores vary widely as you would expect, but there is one trend that seems to be common in many of the assessments.  Many people give statement 11 a low score. What is statement 11?  It says, "I am in control of my time."

Time management is one of the toughest disciplines in life, so I thought I would devote a few weeks to that topic if you don't mind.  If you don't need any input on time management, then you can take a few weeks off, but should rather spend your time reading about how to tell the truth!  Truth is, we all need help where time management is concerned.

A MISNOMER   

Time management is really the wrong term for what we need.  We don't need help to manage time, for time cannot be managed.  It goes by at the pace it always has.  You cannot save it, slow it down, speed it up or recover it once it's gone.  You cannot manage time; you can only manage the events that occur within the time that you have.  Rather than call it time management, we should really call it event management.

Does that make sense to you?

Think of it like this.  There is nothing special about 6 AM, until you set your alarm for 6 AM.  The wake up call is the event that takes place at 6 AM.  Then you have to be at work at 7:30, so you must manage a series of events to insure you are punctual.  Those events include showering, breakfast, devotions, getting the children off, and the commute to work.  There is nothing you can do about the 90 minutes you have to get to work from the time you get out of bed.  There are a lot of things you can do to manage the events that occur in those 90 minutes and what you do will determine whether you are successful or not, defined by being on time or late for work.

The rest of your life is like that as well.  You have 24 hours every day; you just don't know how many 24 hour units you have in total ahead of you.  My mother is 92 years old; a young child of 5 who attended my church was killed in a house fire last week.  Our times are truly in His hands, and we have the duty and joy of making the most of every day that we have on earth.

EVENT MANAGEMENT   

In past Memos, I have told you that you have all the time in the world, and it's true. You have 24 hours for every day you are alive, the same as everyone else.  Then why can some produce so much and others seem to struggle just to get through the day?  It's because the productive person understands the difference between time and event control.

So perhaps you should start by doing a simple time inventory to determine exactly what events are filling the time that you have.  It's not so complicated to do and you can read an article I have about it on my website by the title Know Your Time.  Next week, I will have a compilation of all my past Memos on time for you to review.  In the meantime, you can get started this week by learning where you are investing your time.  After that, we can see what you need to stop doing so you can embrace new activities and goals that will bring you more joy and fulfillment.  As you do your inventory, I know you will have a great week!

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MEMO INDEX: Did you know that my website has an index of every Monday Memo, complete with the title, topic and all the Bible verses quoted therein?  If you are looking for something specific, you can easily check the index and find out what I have written about purpose, faith, productivity and many other topics. 

HALLOWEEN: I wrote an article years ago concerning Halloween that has been published in magazines and newspapers around the world.  I have updated that article and can send it to you for any contribution to my ministry between now and October 30.  This article is perfect for newsletters, church bulletins and other publications.  You can contribute on my website using PayPal or send a check to PurposeQuest, PO Box 91099, Pittsburgh, PA  15221.  I will send you a Word and PDF file of the article for you to use in whatever way you choose. 

ASSESSMENT: Have you taken the purpose assessment on my updated website?   Five hundred people have done so since my new site went up and I hope you are among that group.   If you haven't done so yet, why not do so now and then follow up with some of the online resources that can improve your score? 

SEVEN STEPS: I am offering another special on my Seven Steps coaching program.  If you want to progress in the area of purpose, then I strongly suggest you invest in yourself.  The cost of the program is $699, but I will discount it to $499 through October 20.  You can make payment on my website using PayPal or send a check to PurposeQuest, PO Box 91099, Pittsburgh, PA  15221.  Credit cards are also accepted. You can read about the Seven Steps program here. 

Monday Memo 368: The Weary Don't Need Rest

I know my title this week isn’t true to the original, which says, “No rest for the weary.”  I think it goes hand in hand with the proverb that states, “If you want something done, give it to a busy person to do.” I have found that people of purpose are almost always busy, because situations who need what they are seems to find them.  I have also found that people of purpose tend to earn their rest, yet they often don’t need their rest like everyone else does.  Are you confused?  I may be as well, but to find out if I am, you will need to read on.

NO LUNCH, NO BREAK

I have often referred to Jesus when he met with the woman at the well in John 4.  He had sent the disciples away for lunch while He rested by the well.  When the woman came, He engaged her in conversation and ended up revealing to her the secrets of her heart. She was so amazed that she went back to her village to bring others to “come and see a man who told me everything I ever did!” (John 4:29).  When the disciples got back with food, they were surprised to see Jesus talking with this woman. 

They were also surprised that Jesus was no longer hungry when they offered Him the food they had brought back with them.  Jesus responded when offered something to eat, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work” (John 4:34). 

Jesus was hungry and tired when the disciples had departed.  Now He was energized and no longer hungry because He had been fulfilling His purpose of seeking and saving the lost. 

PURPOSE LESSONS   

Here are some lessons to remember from John 4:

1.  Purpose is sometimes better than food.  What can you do and not worry about missing a meal?  That may be an indication of what your purpose is.

2.  Purpose energizes you.  It releases adrenaline, the good kind, that gives you the strength to work long and hard. You need rest but usually you aren’t fatigued when you function in your purpose. 

3.  Jesus didn’t go looking for the woman; she came to Him.  Your purpose comes to you and it doesn’t always honor your space or need to be alone.  What task or group of people seem to find you.

Jesus added this comment after He said He had other food to eat that the men didn’t know anything about:  “I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields!  They are ripe for harvest” (John 4:35).  Jesus was not instituting Sabbath or rest principles here; He was urging His followers to get busy!  Could He be telling you the same thing?

What will you look for this week, rest or purpose?  I urge you to seek purpose for in purpose you may find the rest for which you have been so desperately seeking.  Have a great week!

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MEMO INDEX: Did you know that my website has an index of every Monday Memo, complete with the title, topic and all the Bible verses quoted therein?  If you are looking for something specific, you can easily check the index and find out what I have written about purpose, faith, productivity and many other topics. 

HALLOWEEN: I wrote an article years ago concerning Halloween that has been published in magazines and newspapers around the world.  I have updated that article and can send it to you for any contribution to my ministry between now and October 30.  This article is perfect for newsletters, church bulletins and other publications.  You can contribute on my website using PayPal or send a check to PurposeQuest, PO Box 91099, Pittsburgh, PA  15221.  I will send you a Word and PDF file of the article for you to use in whatever way you choose. 

ASSESSMENT: Have you taken the purpose assessment on my updated website?   Four hundred people have done so since my new site went up and I hope you are among that group.   If you haven't done so yet, why not do so now and then follow up with some of the online resources that can improve your score? 

SEVEN STEPS:  I had three coaching sessions a few weeks ago and then told my wife, "These were the best sessions I have ever had.  There is no one who approaches purpose the way I do, and I know I really helped the people with whom I met."  That isn't a boast, but it is an acknowledgment that God has given me something special with which to help His people.  With that in mind, I am offering another special on my Seven Steps coaching program.  If you want to progress in the area of purpose, then I strongly suggest you invest in yourself.  The cost of the program is $699, but I will discount it to $499 through October 20.  You can make payment on my website using PayPal or send a check to PurposeQuest, PO Box 91099, Pittsburgh, PA  15221.  Credit cards are also accepted. You can read about the Seven Steps program here.