465: Get Over It!

Three weeks ago I issued a PurposeChallenge and so far 235 people have taken me up on it. The Challenge is to take the Purpose Assessment on my website and then commit to improve 15 points by the end of the year. I will be writing Memos specifically to help you increase, focusing on goals, mentors, time management and faith. Those seem to be the areas that keep most scores low. Of course, I won't ignore posts about purpose in the process.

Two weeks ago we began discussing goal-setting as our first entry in the PurposeChallenge. Then we identified three enemies you have as you attempt to set and achieve goals. I ended last week by asking you to set two goals in each of three areas in your life that can be achieved before the end of this year. How did it go?  I set my six goals but in case you struggled with setting your goals, this week's topic may explain why.

YOU CAN’T GIVE AWAY WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE

I have met with more than 3,000 people in the last eight years to do what I call a Purpose Assessment. It involves 90 minutes and a battery of simple profiles that help people understand who they are and how they function best. One of the profiles is the Values profile and one of the values that it measures is called “personal freedom.” I would estimate that 85% of the people I assess are lowest in this value.  What’s wrong with that?  Well, it’s a strong indicator that you may struggle with doing things for yourself, and that includes setting goals.

Some people are so concerned that they may be selfish that they refuse to pay much attention to self development.  They want so badly to do God’s will that they are willing to do almost anything that comes along, whether it is suited to what they do best or not. While this is noble and commendable, it is not the best way to find and fulfill your purpose.  What’s more, you will never achieve excellence in any area of work or ministry if you don’t pay the price to produce excellence.

A few years ago, I was at my daughter’s college graduation.  The speaker asked each person present if they had a vision for their own life and future.  Maybe you should ask yourself the same question:  Do you have a vision for your life?  Where will you be five years from now?  What do you see yourself doing then?

The answers to those questions leads to another question: What are you doing about all that today?  What steps are you taking now to help you fulfill your personal vision?  Are you taking courses of your own?  Reading books on a certain topic?  Considering a job change to enhance your professional development?  What are you doing that can help you fulfill the personal vision that you have?  If you are going to lay down your life for the Lord and His service, you must have a life to give away in the first place.  You can’t give what you don’t have.

SELF IS NOT ALWAYS SELFISH

This may sound selfish to you.  I’m not talking about some selfish pursuit that steps on others or serves self at all costs.  What I am talking about is something you do that is in the best interest of the vision you have for yourself, the vision God gave you.  If you are or want to be a doctor, then it’s in your self interest to work at the best clinic or under a superior mentor.  Those things will help you be the best doctor you can be and serve your patients with distinction.  I have often said if I had a chance to take piano lessons, I would find the best teacher around me, regardless of their religious affiliation.  If you want to be the best, you have to work with the best. Too often I talk to people who are afraid of what others will think and therefore they play 'small' as we used to say in basketball.  If you’re a giant but don’t want to go near the basket for fear of what others think, that’s not humility or nobility.  That’s just dumb.

In the book Forgetting Ourselves on Purpose, the author reminded me of the words of F. Buechner: "There are all different kinds of voices calling you to all different kinds of work, and the problem is to find out which is the voice of God rather than Society, say, or the Superego, or Self-Interest.  The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."

I want to be the best consultant, writer and speaker I can be.  That is who I am, who God wants me to be.  By investing in being the best, I am serving God and the world around me.  I have a vision for what I want to do in five years and I am taking steps to be able to fulfill that, by God's grace.  What about you?  If you think that is somehow ungodly or selfish, then I have a brief word of advice for you:  Get over it! 

Is there anything you can do this week that will bring you closer to your self vision?  What goals can you set? Maybe you can enroll in college and receive your diploma in the coming years.  Why not apply this week?  Perhaps you will open your business. Call someone who can help you open your business one day; get together with them or take them to lunch!  Or maybe this week will be the week when you ask yourself, "Where do I want to be in five years?" and allow yourself to develop an answer. 

Whatever you do, may you take a step this week that will bring you closer to your God-given destination.  Please don’t consider this selfish and don’t invest your preparation time in noble but frivolous activities.  Focus on being the best, then feel free to give yourself away in the service of God and your purpose.  Have a great week!

Comments

[Sharon Tan]

Hi Dr Stanko
Thanks again for the monday memo! I was just thinking about this topic this morning (Monday).
I hope I can be closer to my goal each day.

[paul]

hi doc.
I like it. no argument though I have a question or two:
I planned early this year what and where I want to be in five years time. Is it always normal to skip some of the plans within the time frame that you are to accomplish them?
if no, how am I to overcome this habit?
if yes, there must be a limit. then how do I ensure, I don't exceeded the normal limit and become lazy over my goals?
please help for some times I have a tendency of piling up my goals only to start rushing at the end of the year.

thanks and God bless