The Monday Memo from John Stanko

487: What To Do With a Big Head

This is it. This is the last Memo before you will take your next purpose assessment if you accepted my Purpose  Challenge last August.  If you need to review before the big day next week, you can read my past Memos directed to help you improve your score here.  This week I have one more thought to share with you before we move on next week.

What do you do when you do something well?  What's more, how do you handle it when someone compliments you for something they admire about you?  If you're like some, you may not know what to do in those situations.  You don't want to appear proud or egocentric, so you actually may minimize your strengths and achievements in your eyes and in the eyes of others.  This may seem spiritual or noble, but it's actually detrimental!

What should you do when you succeed or receive a compliment?  I'm glad you asked.  For the answer, however, you will have to read on.

A BIG HEAD

We have looked at the story of David and Goliath the last two weeks.  (If you didn't read or receive those Memos, you may want to go the site where they are posted and get caught up.) Last week, we saw how David made specific declarations of what he was about to do to Goliath.  David made good on his promises and killed Goliath with one stone from his slingshot.  It's what he did next that answers the questions I raised above.

David cut off Goliath's head! That was one big head not only to cut off but also to carry around.

The armies of Israel were encouraged by David's victory, and went forth to win a great victory over the Philistine army.  That was one byproduct of David's success.  Then David did something else that would be quite uncharacteristic for many I know, perhaps even for you:

David took the Philistine's head and brought it to Jerusalem, and he put the Philistine's weapons in his own tent (1 Samuel 17:54).

What did David do with the head?  I doubt if he kept it in his tent or made a keychain out of it.  He did what most champions did with such spoils of battle.  David probably hung the head on a post for everyone to see.  David celebrated his own victory and advertised his achievement! What's more, he kept a souvenir of the battle by keeping the giant's sword in his trophy case.

How does that answer the question of what to do when you achieve success?  How does this give you insight into how you should respond when you receive a compliment?

DON'T WORRY THAT A BIG HEAD WILL GIVE YOU A BIG HEAD.

David celebrated his victory.  He wanted people to see Goliath's head so that they would be encouraged to fight their own battles.  As a good leader, David wanted the people to see that they didn't have to cower in fear. More importantly, David didn't minimize his success.  He didn't say, "Well, it was nothing.  You know, it was a lucky shot and God really did it, it wasn't me."

No.  David said, "Look what I've done.  What can you do?"   That's what you need to do as well.

If someone compliments you on something you've done or for something you are, say, "Thank you."  Don't push their praise away.

If you have done something and no one compliments you, then compliment yourself!  Admire what you've done. Savor the moment, without being self-conscious or worrying about what others will think of you.  If you achieve a goal for which you have worked hard, throw yourself a party and invite your friends to celebrate with you.  Take a trip in honor of your new job, degree or completed project.

David knew how to celebrate his victories and use them to spur himself and others on to greater things.  You and I need to do the same.  Don't worry about a big head; there will be enough tough knocks and challenges to keep your feet firmly planted in reality.  When you do something great, however, don't be afraid to acknowledge that, well, that it was great!  And if others acknowledge that as well, then it is all the better.

This whole process may help you see that you may not be afraid of failure, but of what you will do if and when you succeed!  Can you handle success and the admiration of others?  I hope you will learn to broadcast your victories rather than hide behind mediocrity so that no one is offended and you aren't uncomfortable. Aim for great things, do them and tell the world if others don't Have a great week!

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KENYA:  As I write this week, I am in western Colorado speaking at Victory Life Church in Fruita and meeting with people to discuss purpose.  There is nothing new to report from Kenya, except that the team is getting ready to depart with me on March 4.  I still need assistance with the funds to help the orphans and widows there. So check out the latest when you have a chance and then please give toward THE BIG GOAL to help me sow some seed when I return to Kenya in March.  You can give through my website or by sending a check to PurposeQuest, PO Box 8882, Pittsburgh, PA  15221-0882.  I know there is someone out there who is supposed to invest in this project.  Maybe it's you?

486: Talk the Walk

We are marching onward toward the completion of the Purpose Challenge that began last August.  In a few weeks, you will be able to take your Purpose Assessment one more and I am confident that, if you have applied my advice since August, you will increase your score!  We still have a few weeks to go, however, so there is time for you to review and cram for the big exam - well, it's not that big, but there is still time for you to review the lessons shared since August here.

Have you ever said something about yourself or referred to something you wanted to do and then thought, "Why did I say that?  What are people thinking of me right now?  They must think I am boasting or have a big ego!"  If so, then that may be why you can't clarify your purpose, simply because you are not comfortable talking about or referring to yourself. Don't worry, however, for I have someone who can help you.  Read on.

DID HE REALLY SAY THAT?

Last week we looked at one aspect of the story of David and Goliath.  We saw that David could not wear Saul's armor to go and face Goliath.  He had to wear and use what was most comfortable for him.  I pointed out that you cannot walk in someone else's expectations for you, no matter how well-intentioned they may be.

So David, armed with the right equipment (a sling and some stones), stepped onto the battlefield to face this fearsome giant.  Immediately he was confronted with some daunting threats from this behemoth:

He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. "Come here," he said, "and I'll give your flesh to the birds of the air and the beasts of the field!" (1 Samuel 17:43-44).

Now if David was like some people I know, he would have then said, "Well, maybe, I mean perhaps the Lord may want to use me, but don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I know for sure and if something good does happen, it will be the Lord and not me.  I don't want you to ever think it's me."

Fortunately, David was of a different mindset.  When Goliath verbally attacked, David was quick to retaliate:

"You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands" (1 Samuel 17:45-47).

What bravado! What courage!  What confidence David had!  There was nothing tentative in what he said or planned to do.  He was bold and specific.  Many think that kind of talk alienates God.  Are you one of those who thinks that?  If so, then you need to change the way you think!

God isn't repelled by such talk; that talk drew Him to David's cause.  He promptly went out with David to meet the giant.  David made good on his promises, while Goliath died trying to figure out what went wrong.

TALK THE WALK

How can you apply this lesson to your life right now?  First, David had a track record from which he could draw.  He had killed lions and bears, and he saw killing this giant as a continuation of those exploits.  You must allow God to put you in challenging situations so that, when you overcome, you will be able to refer back to those experiences to help you fight future battles.

Second, you must know who you are and what you want to do.  David did not hold back; he was clear and concise.  He said, "I am a champion of God and you, Goliath, are not.  You are coming down, in spite of your size, words and confidence."

Finally, David said what he was going to do without fear of what others thought of him.  He spoke positive, affirming, and powerful words and then set about fulfilling them, even thought he was young - a lot younger than all those soldiers, his brothers, and even King Saul. 

What are you speaking these days?  A better question is what aren't you speaking?  Tentative, faithless words produce tentative, faithless actions. Positive, powerful words produce similar actions. Stop being hesitant and fearful of making bold statements where your purpose and dreams are concerned. Dream great things, talk about them and don't worry about how you sound to other people.  Only be concerned with how you sound to God.

Many people are concerned with walking the talk, but if you aren't talking about what you are going to do with God's help, you won't have anything to walk!  Dream great things, talk about doing them and then go for it!  It's simple to describe but not simple to do, I know. I also know that you can only do great things once you stop stumbling and mumbling through your purpose and dreams.  Every day this week, you need to watch what you don't say and follow David's example.  That's what I will do this week and I plan on having a great week.  I invite you to join me.

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ANNIVERSARY: Help me celebrate 10 years of Monday Memos in March by contributing toward THE BIG GOAL of $10,000 toward my work in Kenya.  You can read my post "I Want Money for My Anniversary" here and you read the latest update from the work being done in Kenya here.

485: What Are You Wearing Right Now?

In a few weeks, you will have a chance to retake your Purpose Assessment, provided you have taken it once before since I issued the Purpose Challenge last August.  In preparation, you may wish to review the Memos I have written to help you with the Challenge, all of which can be found here.  One of the statements in the Assessment is "I examine how I feel for clues to determine what I should or should not do with my life."  Why is this a statement on the Purpose Assessment?

It's hard to walk in someone else's expectations, especially when those expectations don't relate to your purpose.  You can try to please society, your family, and even your own expectations of what you think you should be or do, but eventually you will fail.  It will deplete your energy and creativity and you will be miserable - and only you will know.  So what's the answer?

It's simple; just don't do it.

You must resist every attempt when someone, well-meaning or otherwise, tries to get you to fulfill their vision for your life.  You must learn to have and pursue your own vision, for it is the only road to happiness and success, and one of the roadsigns for that vision or purpose is the joy or lack of it in your own heart.

That's what David had to do before he was king and it served him well. You may want to read the story to which I am referring in 1 Samuel 17 before we proceed.

TRY THIS ON.

The story of David and Goliath is known in many cultures and lands.  Every day, Goliath and the armies of Israel would line up across from one another and nothing would happen.  One day, David came to check up on his brothers and heard Goliath taunting the armies of Israel.  That made him angry and he wondered why no one was doing anything about it.

When he heard that there was a reward for anyone who would kill Goliath, David immediately volunteered to do the deed.

When David told King Saul that he [David] would be the one to kill Goliath, Saul laughed, dismissing him as too young and inexperienced.  David would not relent, so Saul eventually gave in and sanctioned the encounter.  Before he let David go, however, he gave David his personal armor to wear:

Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. "I cannot go in these," he said to Saul, "because I am not used to them." So he took them off. Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine (1 Samuel 17:38-40).

David could not function in Saul's armor because Saul was a head taller than all his peers (see 1 Samuel 9:2).  Instead David took off the armor and took up what he felt most comfortable with--a slingshot and some stones.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?

Do you see the lesson here?  Saul had expectations that David could only fight dressed in body armor, so Saul gave him his.  Others have tried to give you what fits them and you have tried to walk in it.  It's not possible, however, for you to be a man or woman of purpose and walk in what someone else gives you.  You must find your own joy, creativity and passion.

What's more, you can't explain it to anyone so they can understand.  You don't even understand it!  You just know what your heart is telling you and that is what you pursue, whether it makes perfect sense or not.  Remember what the wisdom writer told us:

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can share its joy (Proverbs 14:10 emphasis added).

You know how much you love music, art, travel, writing, business, preaching, or medicine. No one knows better than you what is in your heart, no matter how much they love you or well-intentioned they are.  Only you are equipped to hear and follow your heart.  Are you up to the task?

This week it's time to be honest. Are you trying to fulfill someone else's expectations for you?  Have you put on someone else's armor?  If so, take it off immediately!  Don't face your Goliaths this week in someone else's image for you.  Face them in your own; that is good enough to get the job done.  You will be lighter, nimbler and happier than you have been in a while, and it will be a significant step to identify and embrace your purpose.  As you do, I know you will have a great week!

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I WANT MONEY FOR MY ANNIVERSARY!: No, it's not my wedding anniversary, but in the first week of March, the Monday Memo will turn ten years old!  In the first week of March, I will write Memo 492, which means I have missed only four weeks per year in writing the Memo since 2001. Thank You, Lord, for your help!

So what do I want for the Memo anniversary?  I want money, cold hard cash, dollars and cents.

Don't worry, the money is not for me, it's for the children and widows in Kenya.

This past week I received a $3,000 check toward THE BIG GOAL of $10,000 I set last November.  That makes the total raised $8,000!  That is fantastic, but it's not $10,000.

So I am asking you for money to celebrate the Monday Memo's 10th anniversary.

If the Monday Memo has been a blessing to you, can you send something for the children?

If the daily Proverbs devotionals have been a blessing, can you you send something for the widows?

If the weekly Bible studies have been a blessing, can you send something to feed those who don't have the wherewithal to feed themselves?

If my daily quotes on Facebook have been an encouragement, can you sow some seed with those in need?

Often in my life, I have not done a little because I could not do a lot.  I have not given $100, because I could not give $1,000.  I have not given $50, because it wasn't $100.  You get the idea - I haven't done what I could because I wanted to do more.

If that's how you think too, then stop thinking like that and give $5, $10, anything to help me with THE BIG GOAL.

You can give through my website or by sending a check to PurposeQuest, PO Box 8882, Pittsburgh, PA  15221-0882.  I know there is someone out there who is supposed to invest in this project.  Maybe it's you?  But if it isn't you, don't let that stop you from sending what you can and sending it today.  Thank you and God bless you.

P.S.  If you need to read more about my initiatives in Kenya, you can go here to read them in their entirety.

484: Two Secrets

In just a few weeks, we will bring the Purpose Challenge to a close and you can take the Purpose Assessment again to see if you have improved.  One of the things we have been working on is you taking action on the things that are in your heart with the time you have available - not putting things off to 'one day' but rather saying 'this is the day!'

Some wait for more clarity and certainty before they act. Have you ever said, "If only I knew that God wanted me to do this or that," or "If only God would speak to me, then I would do it!"?  While it sounds logical and spiritual, it isn't necessarily true, as we will see in this Memo.  Who do you think I will pick from the Bible as a character to prove this point?  If you guessed Gideon, you guessed correctly.

IT CAN'T BE ME!

In Judges 6, we see that the angel of the Lord came to give Gideon his assignment of liberating the Jews from the Midianites.  Yet Gideon engaged the angel in conversation, explaining why he (Gideon) could not be the one.  I'm sure you have never done this, but Gideon felt that circumstances were too awful and he was too insignificant to do what God was sending him to do.

Perhaps you have calmly explained to God and others the reasons why you are not the one to accomplish some great purpose.  You have pointed out that you are too young, too old, the wrong gender, undereducated and inexperienced.  Even though you too may have had an angel of the Lord visit you, you have dismissed the call as irrelevant, saying something similar to what Gideon said:  "But Lord." Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel?  My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family" (Judges 6:15).  So it isn't always the case that if God were to speak to you, you would automatically do His will and purpose.

TWO SECRETS

God shared with Gideon two keys to success.  Those keys worked for Gideon and they will work for you.  The first secret is found in Judges 6:14: "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" Gideon felt like he needed more strength if he was to go; the Lord told him to go in the strength that he had and it would be enough.

You can put a whole slew of words in that verse and they would all be secrets of godly and purposeful success.  "Go in the time you have; go in the wisdom you have; go in the knowledge you have; go with the gifts you have; go in the faith you have; go in the money you have."  You won't get any more until you need it, so it's best to start right where you are today and obey God with what you have now.

The second secret is in verse 16: "The Lord answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together."  When God speaks to you to do something, you become partners with God.  You and God always comprise an insurmountable majority, no matter how improbable your success may seem to you at the start.

So there you have it.  It may not be enough for God to speak to you, for your bias against yourself and your abilities may try to overrule God.  If you are going to go and do anything, you must go in the strength you have today, but you can go in the confidence that God goes with you.  If you can somehow apply these two secrets to your life and purpose this week, I know you will have a great week.  I know I intend to do just that.

    Feel free to write a comment to this entry on the site where it is posted.

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OPERATION CHICKEN COOP:  I just posted an update with pictures from Alice in Kenya to show you the progress of Operation Chicken Coop. The pictures are of some of the newest residents and they are so tiny (no, not the orphans - the chicks!).  So please check out the latest when you have a chance and then please give toward THE BIG GOAL to help me sow some seed when I return to Kenya in March.  You can give through my website or by sending a check to PurposeQuest, PO Box 8882, Pittsburgh, PA  15221-0882.  I know there is someone out there who is supposed to invest in this project.  Maybe it's you?

483: Count 'Em Up

Happy New Year!  I trust you had a great holiday season and had some time to reflect on 2010 and the year ahead.  Ours was great, but my only complaint is that the days just seem to go by so quickly.  And that is the very thing I want to talk to you about this week, so let's start 2011 by doing some basic math.

COUNT 'EM UP

First, let's look at a verse from one of the Psalms: "Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12).  I reflected on this verse over the holidays and decided to do what the psalmist said and number my days. Here is what I discovered.

I will be 61 in April, and that means I have lived a little more than 22,000 days up to this point in time.  My father died when he was 79, so if I live to be my father's age, I will live another 6,935 days.  My mother passed away at 92 and if I live that long, I have another 11,680 days. 

Of course, the truth is that I could have one more day or live to be as old or even older than my mother.  That is in the Lord's hands.  My job is to maximize the days I do have and that hopefully includes the 365 included in the coming year.  I am determined to make the most of them, not wasting not one of them. Even if I have 11,000 remaining, that is still only half as many as I have had already.  The clock is ticking and I am not sure when the alarm will sound.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

When you say you are going to do something "one day," something like going back to school, writing a book, going to Africa or starting a business, when exactly will that one day be?  What if your 'one day' is past the number of days that you have left?  That means you won't ever do what's in your heart, but will only have seen it from afar and talked about it.  Why?  Because you failed to do what the psalmist directed you to do: number your days so you can act with wisdom.

At the end of January, you will have a chance to take your second Purpose Assessment as part of the Purpose Challenge.  If you are going to improve your score, you are going to have to number your days - determing to make each one count by using your time wisely and with some sense of urgency.  You can do that by making a plan for the coming year, a faith plan that will require God's help.  Without it, I fear that you will not be numbering your days correctly and will lack wisdom.

I hope you have a ton of days left, but if 2011 is the last year you have, how do you want to spend it?  I have made my plans in the presence of the Lord, and I hope you have, too.  If you haven't, there is still time but it will start by doing the math and facing the fact that you won't live forever, so best live today and tomorrow with zest and enthusiasm.  If you do that you will have a great week -- and life!

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THE BIG GOAL:  More than $4,000 has come in for THE BIG GOAL, which is just outstanding, and several people have said to expect a check in January, so I am going to extend the deadline to raise the $10,000 through January 31.  If you wanted to give but did not have the chance over the holidays, you will still have a chance to do so. The good news is that the chicken house built with Operation Chicken Coop funds now has house guests. I received this email from Alice on New Year's Eve:

Dear Dr. Stanko,

Its my hope that you and Kathryn had a safe journey back home.

Once more l wish to thank you and her  very much for visiting and supporting us at EOTOO and just to break the good news that the Chicken Coop Project became live by receiving five hundred day old chicks yesterday.  Lilian was on hand to receive them and has reported a successful first night.  With God's Blessings, we hope that the project will propel us to a new financial level.

We take this opportunity to thank the Lord for having kept us well and together in 2010 and Wish you and your family a Peaceful 2011, full of God's blessings and Love.

Alice for the group.

We are well on our way to helping this orphanage sustain themselve so they can care for more orphans with excellence, having all they need to raise them in the ways of God.  You can read more about my work in Kenya here, and then you can give through my website or send a check to PurposeQuest, PO Box 8882, Pittsburgh, PA  15221-0882. Thank you and God bless you.